Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Pirate Knife

What I failed to tell you last week was that Patrick was working nights.  I hate being home alone (well, alone with Madi and Bella) after dark.  I slept on the couch with a pirate-looking knife under my pillow.  That blade is ten inches long, curved, rusty, and as dull as Jessica Simpson on Newlyweds.  I figure if I don't stop the intruder with just the intimidation factor of the crazy lady with the rusty pirate knife, maybe the tetanus he contracts from the scratches I'm able to give him will kick in before he's able to do any serious damage.

And if that doesn't work, the shotgun Patrick insisted on reminding me how to operate just might work in a pinch. 

Speaking of that tutorial, I do believe I've passed my wariness of firearms onto our daughter.  Just before Pat left for his first night of work, he was showing me (again) how to load the shotgun.  Poor Madison was laying on our bed watching the lesson her daddy was giving me.  He opened the chamber thingy (I was paying really close attention), put in the shell (at least I think that's what you call it), then did that scary cocking thing that makes that noise (ka-chicka).  That's when Madison started screaming.  She didn't stop until probably five minutes after Pat left. 

I don't think she'll make a very good hunting companion for Pat.  And that (sorry, honey) is a-okay with me.

Do you hate being alone at night?  Are you more afraid of your own guns than you are of a potential intruder?  Do you (not so) secretly hope for your baby to share your irrational fear of firearms?



  1. Funny story about my parents: they were sleeping and my mom heard a noise soo... naturally she sits up wakes up my dad and says, "Michael, I heard a noise, I think someone is in the house" (let me go ahead and clarify that neither one of them were truly awake). So my dad responds "what do you want me to do" (I'm sure that made her feel super safe) she said... "get the gun" so my dad in has half awakened state jumped up and got the gun (just plain scary at this point) and proceeded to tell my mom that he couldn't find the key to unlock the safety.

    What do you do when you can't unlock the safety? According to my mom you just skip the gun part and go straight for the bullets. (yes, she told him to do this) so.. he listens, and gets the bullets. At this time (who knows how long they did this) they both realize what they are talking about.

    Meanwhile, my mom's dog is laying on the floor, NOT barking at an potential intruders staring at them. (hehe)

    So my mom laughs hysterically and realizes that even IF there was anyone in the house they probably felt sorry for them and left OR they were rolling around on the floor laughing at their attempt at self defense.

  2. I do hate being alone at night but I dont fear guns like you do. You should learn to shoot one though if you and pat are going to keep them in the house. Pray you never have to use your knife or gun.

  3. How long is this night stuff going to last?

  4. Anonymous- Pat's home at night now. Call me crazy, but I didn't like the idea of annnouning to the cyber-world that I would be home alone! That's why I waited until he was through with nights to write about it.